HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE TOO MANY DOGS?
1. When you have more grass in your driveway than in your backyard.
2. When your neighbors find ANY dog running loose and automatically
bring it to your house.
3. When you want to watch TV and you have to sit on the floor because
all of the furniture is "occupied".
4. When it takes you longer to wash your dogs' dishes than your own.
5. When you have to use a wash tub for a water dish.
6. When you have to run an obstacle course to get to the phone.
7. When you see one of your dogs doing something bad (like chewing
something up or leaving a "dog deposit" on the rug) and you have to run
through the entire list of dogs' names in order to yell at the right one
and by then it is too late.
8. When the hazmat team comes to your house on trash day to handle the
"deposits" that you have placed in your trash can.
9. When you have all of your dogs in the back seat of your car and it
automatically changes lanes when they move to the other side of the car.
10. When you NEVER go anywhere for a vacation because it costs more to
kennel your dogs than to go to Hawaii.
11. When you have an extension on your king-sized bed so you all fit.
12. When the dog food store makes home deliveries.
13. When you move your bedroom into the garage and put a king and queen
sized bed together so all of your dogs can sleep with you.
14. When you can't remember all of your dogs' names and just call them
Baby and Pup-Pup.
15. When you take your dogs for a run in the park and people think it's
a dog show.
Dog House Rules...
The dog is not allowed in the house.
Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
The dog can get on the old furniture only.
Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to
sleep with the humans in the bed.
Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
The dog can sleep on the bed when ever he wants, but not under the
covers.
The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.
The Doggy Pledge...
I will not eat the cat's food, before or after she has eaten it.
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
The computer mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.
I will not play with the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard
after processing.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell her.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially the red ones so my people
will think I'm dying.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose in her ear.
I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast
food restaurant, no matter how good it smells.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not bite the Officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's drivers
license and registration.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when
it's raining.
I will shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is
sitting on the toilet.
I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with
it.
I will not use the sofa for a face towel.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark every time I hear one ring on
TV.
I will not suddenly stand straight up when laying under the coffee
table.
I will not put my head in the refrigerator.
I will not hide my toys behind the fridge.
I will not bark at the garbage collector. I realize he is not actually
stealing our stuff.
There is little that separates humans from other
sentient beings- we all feel pain, we all feel joy, we all deeply crave
to be alive and live freely, and we all share this planet
together.~~Gandhi
Dog: A sound creature in an crazy world. ~~James Thurber
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
get used to the idea. ~~Robert A. Heinlein
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of
his tongue.
~~ Anonymous
In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should
have a dog who will worship him and a cat who will ignore him. ~~Dereke
Bruce
Not Carnegie, Vanderbilt and Astor together could have raised money
enough to buy a quarter share in my little dog.
~~Ernest Thompson Seton, American writer and naturalist.
Lots of people talk to animals. Not that many listen though. That's the
problem. ~~Piglet
When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door
crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours
later. ~~Erma Bombeck
I prefer the company of animals more than the company of humans.
Certainly, a wild animal is cruel. But to be merciless is the privilege
of civilized humans.~~Sigmund Freud
They are better than human beings, because they know but do not tell.
~~Emily Dickenson
No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless
absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. ~~Fran
Lebowitz
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
victims he intends to eat until he eats them. ~~Samuel Butler
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful. ~~Ann Landers
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they
went. ~~Will Rogers
If an animal does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same
thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence.
~~Will Cuppy
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual
superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves
his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot. ~~Mark Twain
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
himself.~~Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.~~Andy Rooney
Cats are smarter than dogs. You cannot get eight cats to pull a sled
through snow. ~~Jeff Valdez
The greatest love is a mother's; then a dog's; then a sweetheart's.
~~Polish Proverb
Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend. ~~Corey Ford, American
writer
We give dogs time we can spare! , space we can spare and love we can
spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has
ever made. ~~M. Facklam
I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water
bowl. ~~Penny Ward Moser
I have developed a deep respect for animals. I consider them fellow
living creatures with certain rights that should not be violated any
more than those of humans. ~~Jimmy Stewart
The soul is the same in all living creatures, although the body of each
is different. ~~Hippocrates
I would rather see the portrait of a dog that I know, than all the
allegorical paintings they can show me in the world.
~~Samuel Johnson
My sunshine doesn't come from the skies, it comes from the love in my
dog's eyes.~~Unknown
Dogs lives are too short...their only fault, really. ~~Agnes Sligh
Turnbull
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
cult.~~Rita Rudner
And nobody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
~~Franklin P. Jones
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.
That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
~~Joe Weinstein
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. ~~Ogden Nash
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
~~Ben Williams
Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current
events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of
late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are
often continued in the next yard. ~~ Dave Barry
I know that dogs are pack animals, but it is difficult to imagine a pack
of standard poodles...and if there was such a thing as a pack of
standard poodles, where would they rove to? Bloomingdale’s? ~~Yvonne
Clifford
Acquiring a dog may be the only opportunity a human ever has to chose a
relative. ~~Mordecai Siegal
The great pleasure of a dog is that you make a fool of yourself with him
and not only will he not scold you, he will make a fool of himself too.
~~Samuel Butler
She had no particular breed in mind, no unusual requirements. Except the
special sense of mutual recognition that tells dog and human they have
both come to the right place. ~~Lloyd Alexander, American writer.
Children and dogs are as necessary to the welfare of the country as Wall
Street and the railroads.
~~Harry S. Truman
God ... sat down for a moment when the dog was finished in order to
watch it... and to know that it was good, that nothing was lacking, that
it could not have been made better. ~~Rainer Maria Rilke
Being patted is what it is all about. ~~Roger Caras
Sir, this is a unique dog. He does not live by tooth or fang. He
respects the right of cats to be cats although he doesn’t admire them.
He turns his steps rather than disturb an earnest caterpillar. His
greatest fear is that someone will point out a rabbit and suggest that
he chase it. This is a dog of peace and tranquility. ~~John Steinbeck
Dogs are our link to paradise. They don’t know evil or jealousy or
discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is
to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring -- it was peace.
~~Milan Kundera
His name is not wild dog anymore, but the first friend, because he will
be our friend for always and always and always. ~~Rudyard Kipling
I care not for a man's religion if his dog and cat are not the better
for it. ~~Abraham Lincoln
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. ~~James Thurber
There is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they
like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and
kind to other animals, as well as humans, then it is all a sham.
~ Anna Sewell
Our task must be to free ourselves...by widening our circle of
compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and
its beauty. ~~Albert Einstein
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant
of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been
all of
these. ~~George Washington Carver
My doctrine is this, that if we see cruelty or wrong that we have the
power to stop, and do nothing, we make ourselves sharers in the guilt.
~~Anna Sewell
In a world older and more complete than ours, animals move finished and
complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never
attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not underlings;
they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and
time, fellow prisoners of the splendor and travail of the earth. ~~Henry
Beston
Cruelty to animals is one of the most significant vices of a low and
ignoble people. ~~Alexander von Humboldt
There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there
must never be a time when we fail to protest. ~~Elie Wiesel
Dog Property Laws . . .
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it
automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
HOW TO PHOTOGRAPH A PUPPY
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head..
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Call spouse to clean up mess.
18. Fix a drink.
19. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy
"sit/stand" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.
20. Consider buying "older, trained" rescue dog.
HOW TO WRAP GIFTS WITH A PUPPY
1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room
floor.
2. Get tape back from puppy.
3. Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
4. Open box.
5. Take puppy out of box.
6. Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
7. Take scissors away from puppy.
8. Put present in box.
9. Remove present from puppy's mouth.
10. Put back in box after removing puppy from box.
11. Take scissors from older dog & sit on them.
12. Remove puppy from box & put on lid.
13. Take tape away from older dog.
14. Unroll paper.
15. Take puppy OFF box.
16. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is
getting the way as she "helps".
17. Let puppy tear paper remaining to be cuts.
18. Take puppy off box.
19. Wrap paper around box
20. Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper from her mouth.
21. Tell older dog to hold tape so he will stop stealing it.
22. Take scissors away from puppy.
23. Take tape older dog is holding.
24. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from older dog &
sitting on them again.
25. Fend off puppy trying to steal tape & tape another spot.
26. Take bow from older dog.
27. Go get roll of wrapping paper puppy ran off with.
28. Take scissors from older dog who took them when you got up.
29. Give pen to older dog to hold so he stops licking your face.
30. Remove puppy from present & hurriedly slap tape on to hold the
paper on.
31. Take now soggy bow from puppy & tape on since the sticky
stuff no longer sticks.
32. Take pen from older dog, address tag & affix while puppy tries
to eat pen.
33. Grab present before puppy opens it & put away.
34. Clean up mess puppy & older dog made playing tug-of-war with
roll of wrapping paper.
35. Put away rest of wrapping supplies & tell dogs what good
helpers they are.
MIND GAMES DOGS PLAY WITH HUMANS
After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU!
Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets.
This is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.
Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears
back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done
something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the
house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works
when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the
humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the
humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go pee, sniff around
the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go
pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the
busiest, most visible spot to go poop. Take your time and make sure
everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have
forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a
strange human walks by.
Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing
fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at
the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something
terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans
is panic-stricken and close to tears).
When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk
as slowly as possible back to the door.
Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make
the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back
inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going
outside, this will drive them nuts!)
This website is a tribute to the wonderful Ibizan Hound and not a
for-profit or show venture.
If you'd like to see *your* Ibizan featured on a special "Beloved Beezer
Pets" page, please feel free to submit photos of your Ibizan to the
webmaster via the link below.
They don't need to be "fancy" show poses or professional quality stuff.
In fact, I'd be thrilled to have informal snapshots and photos of all
the "regular" Ibizans who are still 'champions' in their devoted human's
heart.
I hope you enjoyed your visit and y'all come back now, ya hear?......:)
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